Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
