my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
