my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
