How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
