Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
