Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
