you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
