I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
