You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
