Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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