Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
