If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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