I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
