Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
