i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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