"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
