What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
