You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
