these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
