I will die if light touches me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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