Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
