Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
