I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
