they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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