She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
