I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
