sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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