Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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