I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
