Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
