there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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