I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
