Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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