Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
