Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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