I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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