my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
