I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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