Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
