Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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