well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
