I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
