Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
