I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
