weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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