He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
