I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
