...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
