I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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