girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
