Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
