man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
