He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can you bring me the toilet please
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
