i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
